No Confirmed Cycling Arrivals to The Oscars

I’ll be heading down to Phoenix to worship at the alter of Celebrity. The alter is my mother’s big-screen television. The temple is her living room. The occasion is the Academy Awards ceremony.

And, like most or all of the guests, presenters, and nominees who will arrive at the event on Los Angeles in person, I’m going to Phoenix by car.

I’ve been trying to find someone to bike to The Oscars. I’ve concluded that I’m not very good at this motivating celebrities to do stuff game. Nobody has said yes, they will bike to The Oscars, but I did get one confirmed No. And that came second hand from the managing agent of Zach Galafianakis.

I sent the information to Galafianakis’ agent by e-mail. Being the kind of guy I am, I don’t like pestering people. (There’s a reason I’m not in sales, telemarketing, or evangelism.) I just waited. After several days had passed — and time was getting short — I called up and asked if Galafianakis had given the idea any thought. My message was in the agent’s spam.

I told him that Josef of Flying Pigeon Bikes in LA was standing by prepared to lend Zach and his date tux- and gown-friendly Pashley bikes. We could still make this happen.

Word came about an hour later that Galafianakis had other intentions for his arrival — presumably motorized intentions.

So as I watch the American Lobotomy Machine, I will be in the dark, as the light flickers on my slack, mouth-breathing face, wondering like anyone else inclined to wonder whether we’ll see an arrival by bicycle.

My only remaining hope is that Seven Rea’s piece on about my campaign was picked up by a bunch of newspapers and Web sites all around the country.

Pins and needles.

The attention-grabbing name seems to be Bradley Cooper, who appeared in most of the headlines. (Although I particularly enjoyed seeing my name in proximity to that of Alice Cooper — and I never pass up an opportunity to mention that I went to the same high school as Alice Cooper.)

If nothing else, having all of these publications linking here is good for our search engine optimization.

Here is a selection of the publications where Rea’s piece was mentioned or republished. You can click through to any of them, but they’re all more or less the same.

Detroit Free Press
Detroit Free Press
Miami Herald
Miami Herald
Kansas City Star
Kansas City Star
Fresno Bee
Fresno Bee
Anchorage Daily News
Anchorage Daily News
Roanoke Times
Roanoke Times
Press of Atlantic City
Press of Atlantic City

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4 thoughts on “No Confirmed Cycling Arrivals to The Oscars”

  1. BluesCat says:

    I remember a strikingly beautiful Sacheen Littlefeather, resplendent in Apache dress, delivering Marlon Brando’s refusal to accept the 1973 Best Actor award for “The Godfather” because he objected to the way Native Americans were portrayed in film. My first thought was that Sacheen was super hot. I then considered whether Brando was a nut. But finally I was impressed by the real integrity of a guy who would refuse the highest honor of his craft because he had problems with the way others in his business were treated.

    Such people are really rare, in ALL fields of human endeavor.

    I will wait, hopeful that one of the people in Tinseltown, who are so skilled at helping us escape some of the trying problems of our lives, will find that rare talent to help us look at a solution to a real problem we face by making this tiny gesture.

  2. Bharat Singh says:

    Dear Ted,
    I wish you all the best in your endeavor. We did realize it would not be the easiest thing to pull off but then nothing worthwhile ever is. I leave you with a quote from LOTR, hope it cheers you up.

    Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
    Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

    Greets from Netherlands.

  3. Yeah, it definitely got some nice publicity but too bad none of the celebrities committed to this. I congratulate you on a great idea and fantastic shot at making it happen.


  4. Joel says:

    Dear Ted,

    You have accomplished a significant goal in getting the conversation about riding bicycles in many newspapers.

    I get so many comments about my riding a bicycle when I unlock it from the commuting bike rack at the end of the day. Many of these people are waiting for a car to pick them up.

    They normally say something to the effect of, “When the weather gets better, I would like to try what you are doing.” I try to immediately engage them with a one or two sentence answer of encouragement with my highlights being it helps me to lose and maintain my weight, I save a few dollars in gas, and it only takes me a little longer than riding my car. I leave it at that, do not want to overdo the sales pitch.

    If you have people taking about it, they are only one step away from trying it.

    Keep up the good work.

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